I tried to sleep that night, but was unable to do it even though I was sleeping in my old familiar bed. My stomach was tied in knots and my head throbbed with pain. I was so perplexed by my mother’s sudden change in demeanor that my mind was playing havoc with my body. I developed a case of violent stomach cramps and had trouble keeping food down.
The whole situation didn’t make sense to me. The one question I was asking myself was, why? Sure, I’d seen her change her emotions on a dime before, but never like this. What triggered this outburst?
As I played those few minutes over and over in my mind, I tried to retrace my actions so that I could figure out what happened. I walked through each step slowly and deliberately. I tried to relive everything I had done from the time we buried dad to the time mother threw me out of her house. The answer was in there and I knew it. As the night passed into day, I became obsessed with finding the answer.
The next morning I was sitting at the desk in the small bedroom I use as my office when my wife entered. I was staring blankly at the computer when she spoke to me.
“What are you doing?”
Her voice startled me and I nearly tumbled out of my chair and accidentally kicked the desk as I fought to regain my balance. My left big toe hit the bottom of that fake cherry table so hard it popped like a shot gun.
“Ouuuuuch!” I shouted as I fought to keep from falling out of the chair. It took a couple of seconds but I was eventually able to right myself.
“You all right?” Jessica ran over and reached out a hand to help steady me.
“I think I broke my big toe. Why didn’t you knock?”
“The door was open and I thought you were asleep.”
“Sitting at my computer?” I took in a deep breath and reached down to rub my foot. “Oh, it hurts.”
I began to examine my toe. It looked okay and I could move it even though it hurt like the dickens to do so.
My wife walked around to the front of my chair reached over to grab my foot. “Let me see it?”
“Don’t touch it!” I shouted as I pulled my foot away from her. “It might be broken.”
“I doubt it, but I’d still like to see it. Can you move it?”
“Yes, but Kieran could move his finger when he broke it. Remember?”
“If it starts to swell, we’ll have to amputate.” She began to laugh; slowly at first, but then she got tickled and let it fly.
“Ha ha, very funny. I’m glad I amuse you.” I wasn’t angry with her when I said that. I wanted to shame her into having sympathy for me over my hurting toe. Unfortunately, she thought I was being a smart aleck.
“What’s crawled up in you and died? I don’t like being treated this way.”
I started to say something but realized that would only escalate the situation. I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t even want to be arguing. She hadn’t meant to startle me and I knew it. Suddenly, the pain in my toe wasn’t as bad as it had been only seconds earlier.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. You scared me and then the toe thing happened. And, well you know.”
“I know.” She began to pat me on the leg. After that, she began to stroke my leg. She hadn’t petted me like that for a long time and I found myself enjoying it. I’ve seen her often lay our son’s head in her lap and stroke his hair like this, but it had been a while since she had touched me like this.
I looked in her eyes and I could see concern in them. They seemed to be pleading with me. They wanted to know what was eating at me. They also contained a look of genuine love and I deeply appreciated that.
“I’ll be all right,” I said as I cupped her face in my hand. “Thank you.”
“Any time. Do you think they’ll have school today?”
“Probably, maybe, who knows? This is Anderson County and they hate to miss school. Have you seen the morning news? What did they say?”
“I haven’t seen a thing,” she replied.
“Should we let him go to school? I mean, think about it. The roads are going to be bad and even if I drive him… What am I talking about? I drove in a blizzard yesterday. That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Why’d you let me do that? We could’ve been killed.”
She shrugged. “I know. I thought about that all the way home. But, I don’t know. I wasn’t going to stay at her house and mom and dad would’ve asked too many questions. I guess I’m as crazy as you are.”
“Crazier, you’re pregnant and our daughter needs to be protected. I’m sorry for getting you into this mess.”
“What mess is that?”
“Me. My family and this whole situation; it’s insane.”
She looked at me with those big brown eyes. It was those eyes – large puppy-dog eyes – that made me fall in love with her. Those eyes were able to look into my soul and find something good and wonderful deep within me. She found a virtue in me that I didn’t know I had. Being around her made me want to be a better person and no one had ever given me such a gift. I had no choice but to fall deeply in love with her and still was.
Jessica was the first woman that ever told me that she believed in me. We’d not been dating three weeks when she said that to me. It was at that instant I knew she was the one for me. I’ve spent the rest of my life trying to prove to myself that I was worthy of the love and trust this beautiful creature bestowed on me.
Touching my arm, she gently kissed me on the cheek. “That’s okay; I got the jewel out of that bunch.”
“I’m not so sure about that. I’m the black sheep of the family.”
“I’ve always had a thing for the odd man out. You know that they’re the ones that change the world or create great and beautiful things.”
“Usually at the cost of their lives.”
“What’s with the negativity?”
“I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if life would have been better had I never been born. You know, all I’ve ever seen has been negative. When do I get my chance at the brass ring? I’ve been fighting this battle all my life and am wondering just when to I get a chance to swing for glory?”
Sympathy flashed in her eyes but was quickly replaced with tenderness. “Some people would say you’ve got it pretty good. You just made partner in a nice firm. You’ve got a wonderful son and a daughter on the way and…”
“How do you know I’ve got a daughter on the way?”
“A mother knows and little Emily Brooke is going to be blonde-haired and green-eyed like her daddy and she’s going to have her mother’s body.”
“Hope not. That means I’ll wind up in prison because I’ll have to shoot some of the little boys hanging around this house when she becomes a teenager.”
“Why’s that?”
“Let’s just say that I fell in love with your soul, but the fact that you were built the way you were did not hurt the romance.”
A naughty grin raced across her face. “Randall Johnson, how dare you?”
I could see that she was trying to pretend to be offended by my statement but she was doing a miserable job of it.
“It’s true. I remember that purple and green bikini you used to have. You remember when we went to Mexico. You’d strut around in that little thing and all these guys would watch your every move.”
“Did it make you jealous?”
“Nope, just the opposite. I’d sit there and grin and think to myself, ‘go ahead and look fellas, but she belongs to me’. It made me feel good that I had the most desirable woman there. Man it was such an ego trip.”
“Still think I’m attractive?” she asked as she rubbed her swollen belly.
“I still see that girl with the golden body. You’ve still got it.”
“And you’re such a liar.”
We both began to laugh, but I could see the appreciation in her gaze as she looked at me with those bright shining brown eyes. She smiled and I returned the gesture. She pulled me close and kissed me. It wasn’t not much more than a peck, but it still shot chills up my back.
“You still give me the quivers,” she said after the kiss ended.
“Ditto. You’d better get out of here or this is going to lead to something we are not going to be able to finish.”
“Pity,” she whispered as she left the room.
After a quick shower I was still sleepy, but feeling better than I had earlier. I thought about shaving but decided I’d do that latter. I flipped on the television and began watching the local telecast. They were listing all the schools and business that were closed. They were on the C’s and we live in Anderson County. That meant that I’d have to sit through the whole list or risk missing it.
As I thought about it, I walked over to the computer, called up the Internet, began searching for the station, and clicked on its address. In the upper left hand corner was a “School or No-School” icon. I click on it and a window prompted me to enter the name of the business or school system. I typed in “Anderson County Schools.” Within a split-second, I got a notice that stated that school had been canceled for the day.
“Sweetie,” I called to my wife in the kitchen. “School has been canceled.”
“What about the factory where I work?”
“Just a second.” I typed in Kentucky Tile and Flooring, but nothing came upon the screen. “Doesn’t say. If you need a ride, I can take you to work.”
“Are you crazy? I’d quit before I’d get out in weather like this. Besides with you making partner, I’ve been thinking about quitting anyway.”
“Let ‘Little Man’ sleep a little longer.”
“He can sleep all day as far as I’m concerned. What about you?”
“I’ll call Malcolm, the head of the tax division of the firm, to let him know I won’t be in either. I’m sure he, Darron and Doug’ll understand. Besides, they didn’t expect me back until Monday. You know, grieving and all.”
“But this is tax season.”
“And we have plenty of people who can prepare a return if one is needed. Besides they can always e-mail me the data and I could do the returns here at home.”
She nodded her head in agreement. “Since I’m up, I’ve started breakfast, hungry?”
“Not really, well huh, sorta. Whatcha cooking?”
“The usual; eggs, biscuits, sausage, and jelly.”
“Make mine turkey sausage and throw in some fried potatoes and you got yourself a deal.”
“Okay, wanna help?”
“In a minute, I’ve got to call Malcolm and let him know I won’t be in today.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yep.”
I picked up my cell phone because it had Malcolm’s number on speed dial. After a few clicks, I heard that robotic tone ringing in my ear. After the third such ring, I heard a voice on the other side state, “Hello.”
“Malco, this is Randy.”
“You didn’t have to call. I know you’re snowed in up there in those mountains. I heard you guys got over thirty inches of snow.”
“No, I’m home.”
“Surely, you weren’t crazy enough to try to drive in that weather.”
“Guilty as charged.”
“You could’ve been killed. Are you nuts?”
Probably, but mostly just mad…”
“As a hatter, whatever that means, but you’re definitely it.”
I laughed. “Look, I’m not going to be able to make it in today.”
“Big deal, nobody is.”
“You have any information you can send me and I’ll do it at home.”
“They made everyone leave early yesterday and I gave them all enough work to keep them all weekend. I got more than enough to keep you busy through the weekend. Let me make sure I’ve got your correct e-mail address and I’ll download some stuff and see that you get some of my work.”
“Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it,” he replied. “Nobody is going to get out in weather like this.”
“I’m going back to bed. If you have any questions, wait until after lunch to call. I was hoping to sleep in late, but that’s gone.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Don’t sweat it. One of you guys was bound to call. I’d warned the others and would have fired anybody else who called. I’ll let you slide since you didn’t know.”
I heard him chuckle. “Goodbye,” I said.
“See ya on Monday,” he said and then hung up without saying another thing.
I checked the computer again and there it was. KTF was closed for the day and the first shift was closed on both Saturday and Sunday. That’ll make her happy I thought. Saturday overtime was mandatory and Sunday was always optional. She was looking at a three day weekend and I knew that would make her happy and for the first time in over a week, I smiled.
I was on my fourth tax return of the day when Kieran walked into the room. I was unaware of his presence until he spoke.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
I turned to see him rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. His hair stood up in the back and for the second time in as many days, he looked like Alfalfa from the Our Gang movies.
“Good morning, Alfalfa.”
“My name is Kieran and not Falfalfa.”
I could hear the indignation is his voice. It was early for him and he was in no mood to be bothered.
“You’re right. Did you have a good night’s sleep?”
“Don’t we have school today?”
“Nope, and momma doesn’t have work and neither do I. It looks like the three of us have the day off. I was thinking that we could go outside and make a snow man and maybe even an igloo like we did at granny’s.”
“Dad, why is the snow deeper at granny’s than here?”
“I don’t know for sure, but I guess it has something to do with the mountains. It snows more there than it does here.”
“Is that ‘cause the mountains are closer to the sky than the flat land?”
“I suppose that’s true. What do you think?”
“It makes sense to me.”
I could see that he was thinking about it. He looked at me with one eye shut and his lips sticking out to one side as if he was forming a deformed kiss. In a split-second, his expression changed and he became very serious.
“Dad, why does granny hate you?”
A sudden jolt shot through my body. I began to look upon my son with a new respect. I knew him to be a bright young man, but I never knew him to be this observant. I hesitated before I spoke. I was looking for something to say and hoping to alleviate his fears.
“Granny doesn’t hate me. She just doesn’t know how to take me. She doesn’t understand me. Am I making sense to you?”
“No, but if granny doesn’t hate you, then why does she pick on you?”
“You noticed that did ya?”
“I’m six dad, not stupid.”
“That’s not a nice word to say?”
“I’m sorry. I won’t say it again.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
“Deal.” He stuck out his hand and I took it in mine with a quick shake.
I thought for a second and then decided that I didn’t want to pursue this conversation so I decided to change the subject. I was rubbing my face when an idea hit me. “Would you like to shave with me?”
He didn’t say a word, but shook his head to indicate that he did. I took off his pajama top and walked him into the bathroom. I also took off my T-shirt and then turned on the hot water. As the water began to heat up, I pulled out a cup holding my shaving soap and brush.
“Does it hurt to shave?” asked Kieran.
“It can, but if you’re careful it won’t. The first thing we must do is put some hot water on our faces.”
I cupped my hand, stuck it under the water, and then proceeded to splash it on my face. He tried to follow my lead but wound up splashing liquid all over the mirror. I began to lather up the brush and then slathered the soap all over his face. I then did the same to mine. Once we had our faces soaped, I gave him a disposable razor with the cap still on it and I took out my razor.
“The first thing you want to do is to shave your neck.” I pulled the razor up from the bottom of my neck towards my chin.
“See how I’m doing it?”
He smiled and then followed my lead. “Like this?” he asked.
“Perfect. Once you have the neck completed, then you move on to the face.” Again, I showed him what to do and he followed my lead.
“Now we come to the tricky part, the mouth. If you’re not careful, you’ll cut yourself.
“Will it bleed a lot?”
“Depends on how you cut yourself. It’s possible so you have to be careful. It hurts like the dickens when you get cut.”
“I won’t cut myself.”
“I know. You’re good at things like that.”
He didn’t say a thing, but he looked at me with those big brown eyes he got from his mother and I could tell that he was pleased by my comment.
As we finished our shave, I took a towel down and wiped both of our faces. After that, I took and wet a washcloth and wiped it over his face. He was smiling from ear-to-ear when I began washing mine. I dried both of our faces and then smiled at him.
“That was your first shave,” I said. “How did you like it?”
“Aren’t you going to put any smell good stuff on me?”
“I forgot. I’m glad you reminded me.”
“You can’t shave without putting smelly stuff on your face. It’s not legal.”
“That’s right. I don’t want you getting in trouble with the law.”
“You either.”
I laughed despite myself. “Me either.”
Over the next thirty minutes, I bathed again and then bathed him. We were both clean and dressed in fresh pajamas when my wife came into the master bathroom.
“Why did you bath?” she asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Aren’t you going to go outside and play?” she asked.
“Hurray,” shouted Kieran.
“Yes, we are,” I replied.
“Then you didn’t need to bath a second time.”
“Why did we bath?” inquired my son.
“Because daddy’s not smart enough to think of that.” They laughed and I shrugged my shoulders. “Well, I guess we’ll have to bath again sometime today.”
Forty minutes later, the three of us were starting the first of the three large balls we would use to make the snowman. The first level of snow was as tall as Kieran. The second was about half the size of the first level. The head was about twice the size of a basketball. We used checkers for his eyes, beads for his mouth, celery for his ears, a carrot for his nose and the plastic pink grass from an Easter basket as his hair. We used a couple of decorative toothpicks to secure the grass to its head and then secured an old farmers hat on top of the pink wig. The snowman looked like a combination of a sixties hippy and an eighties punk rocker.
Once the snowman was completed, my son decided that he wanted to make snow angels. As he was completing his first one, I began to run yesterday’s events through my head. It was gnawing on me like a rat picking at the bait in a trap and that’s what bothered me. I kept expecting a giant trap to snap shut and seal my fate forever. If it was a trap, it would be a trap that held no chance for rescue.
He was completing his second angel when I decided I needed to go back into the house.
“That’s wonderful,” I said. “But daddy has some work he has to do, so I’m going to have to go back into the house.”
“Are you gonna do taxes?” he asked.
“Yep, and some other stuff too.”
“Will you stay and watch me do one more?”
My wife looked at me and asked, “Will you?”
“I can stay for two more, if you want me too?”
He didn’t say a word but flopped down on the ground and began flapping his arms and legs. He did this for about six times and then he stood up, looked at me and asked, “How’s that one.”
I pretended to look at it with a critical eye. I began rubbing my chin hoping to milk this for all it was worth.
“Well?” he asked.
“If I were judging it, I’d say it’s probably your best work yet.”
A smile engulfed his face and he ran and jumped into my arms. As I picked him up, he wrapped his arms around me and nearly squeezed my head off my shoulders.
“You haven’t seen nothing yet.” I could hear the excitement in his voice. “Wait ‘til you see the next one. I’ll bet it’ll be the best one; ever!”
“That’s a big job. Are you sure you’re up to it?”
“Quit teasing him,” injected my wife playfully.
“Watch this,” he said as he shook free from me. Once he hit the ground, he fell flat on his back and began that familiar fanning motion. This continued to kick for fifteen to twenty cycles. After that, he stood up and pointed to it. “I’ll be that’s the best one you’ve ever seen.”
“Without a doubt! I’m so jealous I can’t stand it.”
“That’s all right dad, you can’t be good at everything.”
“Thank you,” I said as I tried to keep from laughing. “Now I have to go in and work.”
“Just one more, please?”
“No, I’ve got to do this. It’s important to me.”
“Am I important to you?”
I scooped him up and pulled him close to me. I wanted to shout what I was about to say, but due to the pride swelling within me, I managed only a whisper. “More than anything else in the world, Kieran. More than anything else in the world.”